When the time to let go has long passed...

From time to time, in spite of the medication I take to control my mood, I still feel pangs of regret for a past flame I let die out. To be more accurate, I killed it. I treated someone who cared for me so horribly, and I think I may have fucked them up irrevocably. Guilt is a powerful teaching tool, and it has done much to make me afraid to reach out to others, both because I don't want to hurt anyone or get hurt by anyone. To take it all back, rewind the time.. but I know it is best to simply move on. More and more the visage of this person appears in my mind, and her image causes an old wound to reopen. So much time has passed, and yet I doubt it is enough to even fantasize about our paths crossing again, successfully. In fact, it would probably be a gift to her if I let more than a year pass without any contact. I want to be redeemed. I want to be forgiven, and for things to be reconciled, even though hope has long since died out. A fool I've been, and will continue to be until I forgive myself. And that is precisely what needs to happen.. which also may be impossible.