I prefer not to be attached for a reason

I was adopted by a stray cat. I noticed her one morning and subsequently placed a bowl of milk for her to drink. Over time, she let me pet her, hold her and now I must say that I'm attached to her. She is quite adorable. She is a mostly black cat with white paws, belly and chin. When she purrs it sounds like she is chirping. It is so cute. Anyways, since she is a stray I can't bring her in the house. She is around a lot, but it seems that when i want her to be around the most she is nowhere to be found. I remember this feeling of missing something, and I also remember why I prefer not to become attached to things.

Normally I hate cats. But for some reason I really like this one, and I wish I could keep her in the house so she would both keep warm and not leave. It is a painful reminder that she does not belong to me regardless of how close I feel we are becoming. This is another example of projecting human traits onto animals. The cat probably doesn't feel anything for me other than I can keep her warm and I feed her. But I have built her a little box for shelter, and seeing that she doesn't use it all the time makes me wonder if she is alright on nights when it get so cold. This distressing feeling is too much for me. I prefer the coldness of emotional disconnect. But I am expected to be normal, and I must oblige these expectations.